RobbyBobby
Well-Known Member
Whut up biches? In the immortal werds of Hank Williams Jr. A Countryboy CAN survive! I have returned from my epic adventure and quest for tare-nawlidge to the peak of Mt. Aetna and back- alive and mostly in one piece too. I found the Grand Master of Fawesomess and I can only say that he is a great man, harsh yes, but fair.
Here is a log of the days events since I last posted:
Day 1
Preparation for the expedition- predehydrated myself by dranking a 24 pack of coors light (most watery beer in the world). watched Vertical Limits and Cliffhanger all night long to gain some mountain climbing knowledge. Found my backback that I won for smoking 100,000 packs of marlboro's and filled it up with natty's and slimjims and of course some Mary-J and plenty of stay up 7 straight days nevergetired all night magical energy powder!
Day 2
JonJohn dropped me off at the trailhead right after a trip to waffle house where I had the scattered, smothered and covered hashbrowns.....spent the next 4 hours shitting uncontrollably in the woods. Walked for approx 12 straight hours, got lost as hell and found myself in downtown Chattanooga, spent the night at the 8th street homeless shelter.
Day 3
Hitchhiked back to the trailhead and started over, decided WTF, I'll just walk uphill this time and see where it takes me?
Success! after many hours of walking sadly the beer is nearly all gone but I have reached the treeline, will camp here and push for the summit tomorrow.
Day 4
Beer and food is all gone and I am SO fawking cold, I SHOULD have brought more clothes, who could have known it gets so damn cold up here?
Fought and killed a large mountain goat, then raped his family- Life is GOOD!
I made short progress and have Camped for the night to make a goathide coat and shelter and to smoke the fawk OUT.
Day 5
I have found Bigfoot! He is a cool ****ing dude, we partied all night, then I passed out. Woke up with a sore and slimy asshole and no evidence......Bummer.
Free soloed a 100' rock cliff....i have never felt so alive.....oh wait I think that was just a dream I had lol.
Day 6
My poor asshole recovered enough to walk again so I trudged onward and upward, the altitude is killing me, I thank the sweet baby Jesus for giving me the gift of methamphetamine!
Encountered the snow/ice line, fashioned ice tools from goat leg bones and horns and attached goat teeth to my boots to keep going.
Camped on a narrow ice ledge, freezing my big ole hairy balls OFF....tried to build a fire out of slimjim wrappers and instead set my fawking goathair coat on fire and burned the tent to the ground......FAWK ME!!!
Day 7
Attained the summit! The Grand Wizard immediately came out and attacked me, we fought for 12 straight hours with old dana 30 axleshafts until he knocked me down, right before the death blow to my noggin' he spotted a pic of the BigBird climbing "THE WALL" that had fell outta my pocket.....He instantly decided I was worthy of his gnarl-edge, then he invited me inside his fortress for tea and strumpets, how lovely!
We spent the next 24 hours drinking shine and talking about sum bygawd tares.
His Fawesomeness
Day 8
I started my return to the valley, armed with the info that we need for mother-f-ing FlatBiller bygawd domination in the desert, or anyfuckingwhere. The GrandMaster told me that if it works on the bygawdsumbithcin mountain then they are The best tares in the whole world for ANYthing, and he also told me where to source the ONLY known set of these rare warlocks.....behind legindary buggy builder Jimmy Smiths barn.
Day 9
Reached the valley and relayed the tare beta to JohnJon and the Goatking. Headed to one of my bitches cribs now for suma that phat rabbit and about 48 hours of sleep.....peace out homies.
Here is a log of the days events since I last posted:
Day 1
Preparation for the expedition- predehydrated myself by dranking a 24 pack of coors light (most watery beer in the world). watched Vertical Limits and Cliffhanger all night long to gain some mountain climbing knowledge. Found my backback that I won for smoking 100,000 packs of marlboro's and filled it up with natty's and slimjims and of course some Mary-J and plenty of stay up 7 straight days nevergetired all night magical energy powder!
Day 2
JonJohn dropped me off at the trailhead right after a trip to waffle house where I had the scattered, smothered and covered hashbrowns.....spent the next 4 hours shitting uncontrollably in the woods. Walked for approx 12 straight hours, got lost as hell and found myself in downtown Chattanooga, spent the night at the 8th street homeless shelter.
Day 3
Hitchhiked back to the trailhead and started over, decided WTF, I'll just walk uphill this time and see where it takes me?
Success! after many hours of walking sadly the beer is nearly all gone but I have reached the treeline, will camp here and push for the summit tomorrow.
Day 4
Beer and food is all gone and I am SO fawking cold, I SHOULD have brought more clothes, who could have known it gets so damn cold up here?
Fought and killed a large mountain goat, then raped his family- Life is GOOD!
I made short progress and have Camped for the night to make a goathide coat and shelter and to smoke the fawk OUT.
Day 5
I have found Bigfoot! He is a cool ****ing dude, we partied all night, then I passed out. Woke up with a sore and slimy asshole and no evidence......Bummer.
Free soloed a 100' rock cliff....i have never felt so alive.....oh wait I think that was just a dream I had lol.
Day 6
My poor asshole recovered enough to walk again so I trudged onward and upward, the altitude is killing me, I thank the sweet baby Jesus for giving me the gift of methamphetamine!
Encountered the snow/ice line, fashioned ice tools from goat leg bones and horns and attached goat teeth to my boots to keep going.
Camped on a narrow ice ledge, freezing my big ole hairy balls OFF....tried to build a fire out of slimjim wrappers and instead set my fawking goathair coat on fire and burned the tent to the ground......FAWK ME!!!
Day 7
Attained the summit! The Grand Wizard immediately came out and attacked me, we fought for 12 straight hours with old dana 30 axleshafts until he knocked me down, right before the death blow to my noggin' he spotted a pic of the BigBird climbing "THE WALL" that had fell outta my pocket.....He instantly decided I was worthy of his gnarl-edge, then he invited me inside his fortress for tea and strumpets, how lovely!
We spent the next 24 hours drinking shine and talking about sum bygawd tares.
His Fawesomeness
Day 8
I started my return to the valley, armed with the info that we need for mother-f-ing FlatBiller bygawd domination in the desert, or anyfuckingwhere. The GrandMaster told me that if it works on the bygawdsumbithcin mountain then they are The best tares in the whole world for ANYthing, and he also told me where to source the ONLY known set of these rare warlocks.....behind legindary buggy builder Jimmy Smiths barn.
Day 9
Reached the valley and relayed the tare beta to JohnJon and the Goatking. Headed to one of my bitches cribs now for suma that phat rabbit and about 48 hours of sleep.....peace out homies.
Crackin me up....haven't laughed like this in long time 
O and get it right there is only one goat king and he drives #77 bucky!
