Did the Newport to Ensenada race this weekend.
Upon getting to Mexico and eating fish tacos me and my crew mates started visiting the many and finest cultural establishments available to tourists that Ensenada has to offer. Well, the ones that showcase naked women anyway. The very first one we hit was packed with drunken sailors and we were having a blast when my friend, who we'll call Waldo, was given a lap dance by one of his crew.
Not content to let the girl walk away and perform on stage when it was over, Waldo rushed right up shirtless to perform for her. He had his hands all over her and wouldn't leave her alone. Now here in the States you'd probably be uninvited to the club, but in Mexico they bring you a chair and handcuff you to the pole to help you behave.
It didn't take long before he was butt-naked on stage. It didn't seem to bother him in the least to be flopping around, or his wife fo rthat matter who was videoing the entire scene. He continued to dance for the girl until her set was done and she left and he was left alone and exposed calling for her to come back while his wife plead with him to get dressed.
He then started to yell about having someone let him out of the handcuffs so he could leave. The DJ came on the PA and announced that they'd lost the key and would find it shortly.
Of course we did what any buddies would do, we all howled with laughter at him. There he was screaming to be let lose while we all threw pesos at him (we couldn't see wasting dollars on Waldo).
Waldo was quite inebriated by now and being a stout sort, 5'10" and about 260 and built like a cinder block, his natural instincts took over.
Waldo grabbed the pole and started to shake on it to pull it loose. We of course thought this was a silly idea since people hang on those things all day. Undeterred, Waldo would slam his shoulder into the pole with all his weight. After about 3 or 4 goes at it it would begin to bow before straightening back out. Not freedom, but progress.
The DJ again announced to please be patient while they located the key. At first we were asking Waldo not to go berserk because we didn't want him to get arrested in Mexico, or get thrown out ourselves. But after the 3rd announcement, and 5 shots of tequila, people began to see his point and told him to break the pole. I guess we were all curious to see what would happen.
By now he was going at that pole so hard it was shaking plaster down from the ceiling. Then all of a sudden several managers ran up to try and stop him. It was funny to see these guys bounce off of him while he continued to assault his captor. He had three managers, a dancer and the DJ begging him to calm down and wait for the key. They didn't want him to continue, but they weren't interested in getting between a human version of a rhinoceros and the source of his agitation.
The next charge resulted in the pole bending at a 45 degree angle and broke out of the floor while plaster rained down on him. The pole landed on the middle of the stage missing everyone up there. He slipped the handcuff off the end of the pole while the staff stood there looking at the pole with that, "oh ****, he killed the pole look".
We were in tears by now and we watched Waldo running for the door with his wife and the people sitting with him while the bar chanted his name. The staff of the bar picked up the pole and seemed to be trying to figure out how to put it back.
Realizing the show was over for a while we continued on to the next strip bar. I never did see Waldo the rest of the night, but got a call from his wife letting me know they made it home without further incident.
