While i totally agree that 20" shocks are LUDAcris, i don't really see what's so bad about having a flexier rear than front, isn't that pretty similar to having a 4-linked rear with leafsprings in the front? works good for a lot of people and you usually don't need a sway bar with that setup.
Also, If you don't want to spend money on adding tender springs on your shocks you can do the 2-3 inches of preload (Zero preload is the top nut snug on the springs fully extended) and if it's not too much trouble then just raise your upper shock mounts to get your ride height back where you want it.
Basically the happy medium you are looking for is to have 2" of preload on your springs and to have the right amount of shock shaft showing at ride height to match your uptravel. If those two things match up then your spring rate is probably about right.
Here's Wayne's guidelines for springs-
lower spring 2" longer then shocl travel.
upper spring same as shock travel
try to keep the upper and lower springs within 100# of each other
2" to 3" of preload in the front.
2" of preload in the rear
your springs are too light if you have to use more preload to get ride height. and too heavy if you use less."
and NO i am not a shock expert, but i did read the ZukIzzy coilover thread on Pirate4x4 while staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night.