suicide,how has it effect you?

[BLGXJ]

February 14th 2010 9am, I woke up still a little drunk from the night before to a phone call from a friend telling me another friend had killed himself. I thought it was a joke and cussed him out, because 2 other friends and I had just dropped him off around 1:30am at his house and left him laughing, cutting up, and he and I had made plans to go ride the next time I was in town. Some time early that morning one of his parents were driving him to town to get the car we wouldn't let him drive home, and he pulled out a gun and swallowed a bullet in the back of their car. Looking back on it, he was in a bad place: his gf had recently left him after running up some debt, he had recently lost his job, and he and his parents were constantly getting into it over drinking (they were against it). I wish he had said something, anything to one of us in the car that night. It left all of us with a lot of what if's.

 

[scrambled]

The will to live is a natural thing in all of us. To go against that will, to feel that everyone around you is better off with you dead, is strange to me. How terrible that must be.

 

[98TJ]

My 2nd cousin killed himself while he was a student at Auburn. I only met him one time when I was about 10 and he was a few years older. I remember going back to his bedroom and he showed me some books he had been reading. He bought a garden hose, drove off campus and killed himself in the car with CO. He left a note saying that he wanted to be buried in one of his daddy's old shirts. 50 years later I can't even remember his name any more, but hardly a month goes by without me thinking about him and wondering what could have been eating at him to do that; he had his whole life ahead of him.

 

[yankster]

I went through a period of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced after Shannon passed away. The emotional pain of her loss turned into physical pain, nightmares, etc. Any time someone uses the term "selfish" it shows they just don't understand what real depression is like. I thought the same thing about suicide before this experience.
I've always been the strong one, Captain Responsible making good decisions, never being unreasonable.

But suddenly I had this constant longing to do whatever it took to make the pain go away. All I could think about is how to make it stop. It never entered my mind about how it might affect anyone else, or the damage that may be left behind, I just wanted the pain to stop. And the very worst thing I could have done during this was be by myself. That's why I was at a different event every weekend, traveling, visiting family. I could tell that the pain eased up if I was busy and had good people around me. Two years later I'm not 100% yet and I guess I never will be. I still struggle finding joy in life. Something in my brain changed.

If you know someone going through a personal hell, they may tell you they are fine but I promise you that isn't true. Force yourself into their daily personal life and don't leave them to their thoughts. Doing any less than that is certainly a very "selfish" act.

 

[CHASMAN9]

I went through a period of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced after Shannon passed away. The emotional pain of her loss turned into physical pain, nightmares, etc. Any time someone uses the term "selfish" it shows they just don't understand what real depression is like. I thought the same thing about suicide before this experience.
I had this constant longing to do whatever it took to make the pain go away. All I could think about is how to make it stop. It never entered my mind about how it might affect anyone else, or the damage that may be left behind, I just wanted the pain to stop. And the very worst thing I could have done during this was be by myself. That's why I was at a different event every weekend, traveling, visiting family. I could tell that the pain eased up if I was busy and had good people around me. I'm not 100% yet and I guess I never will be.
If you know someone going through a personal hell, they may tell you they are fine but I promise you that isn't true. Force yourself into their daily personal life and don't leave them to their thoughts.

Sir, you are a wise man with enormous inner personal faith and strength and an inspiration for anyone who might be going through that same dark tunnel you were in. Always look to your friends and family and faith for the answers to this horrific situation and not to drugs and alcohol as they are no substitute for the real answer for anyone struggling with their day to day issues. Always keep your head held high and look toward what the future has to hold for you.

 

[Cubby]

I have a family member who has dealt with depression all of their life and attempted suicide. It's a tough long road for everyone involved and it exposes who you really are on the inside. It doesn't take much to call them a coward or whatever but it takes a lot from you to care, talk to them, spend time with them etc... Loving somebody is hard work at times and it doesn't always feel nice and can be very one sided. This life is too short, be a man and ask the hard questions and do the hard things. We live in such a narcissistic world that it is hard to see it when we look in the mirror. (talking to myself too)

 

[ToyotaTom]

Unfortunately I have had way to many friends kill themselves. My buddy Chris was a 27 year old 18C, Special Forces Green Beret. He lost both his legs from the knees down in Afghanistan. He was always positive and continued to be very outgoing and energetic dispite his injuries. This January he killed himself. My organization has about 100 different systems, programs, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists in place to help guys like Chris. The problem is getting these guys to ask for help or admit to a health care provider that they have a problem. In this job field it is viewed as weakness therefore guys just try and deal with it in there own way and continue to put on a happy face. Don't be that guy. Ask for help if you need it and if you know someone going through some **** it never hurts to talk to them.
RIP Brother.