Jokes

Fire Freak · Nov 14, 2013

I feel dumber having spent the time reading that :gay:

:****:

ridered3 · Nov 14, 2013

InDaShop said:
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and nails. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Caw", not a single one could shout "Truck."

Next time I hit a crow on the road ill stop and verify this conclusion before he passes...

5BrothersFabrication · Dec 16, 2013

The kids at Sandy Hook wanted books, and all they got were magazines.
:wtflol:

johneddie · Dec 16, 2013

Just wrong! :gtfo:

muddinmetal · Dec 16, 2013

5BrothersFabrication said:
The kids at Sandy Hook wanted books, and all they got were magazines.

Wrong or not, I couldn't help but laugh

Jpyke15 · Dec 16, 2013

That's not funny at all. :gtfo:

blacksheep10 · Dec 17, 2013

5BrothersFabrication · Oct 21, 2014

unlblkrubi · Jan 1, 2015

The Liberal Northerner's son graduated from college and was offered a good job, but it was in the Deep South. Dad, a liberal Democrat, was worried about his son going off to such a strange land and he warned him to avoid entanglements with southern women. "They can't cook the kind of food we northerners eat, they won't keep the house clean, they don't like sex, and if you marry one, she'll call you a Damn Yankee the rest of your life."
After a few months, the son telephoned Dad and told him he had just met a wonderful Southern girl, and thought he was in love with her. Dad repeated his warnings about Southern women and their shortcomings.
After another couple of months, the son called Dad and told him he and his Southern girl were getting married. Dad just moaned and groaned and repeated his warnings. Two more months go by and son telephones Dad......"Dad, you were wrong. My wife is a great cook, keeps the house neat as a pin, and she absolutely loves sex. Dad responded, "Well, what about the fourth thing -- her calling you a Damn Yankee?" "Oh, we reached an agreement on that. She won't call me a Damn Yankee, and I won't call her the N word.

TheViking · Jan 1, 2015

Now that's funny

85buggy · Jan 2, 2015

Alabamas proformance last night. BAHAHAHA

TheViking · Jan 2, 2015

I do find that funny being a Vols fan but I'm worried outLR game maybe just as comical....

bad80cj · Mar 2, 2015

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

deerman70 · Mar 6, 2015

grcthird · Mar 7, 2015

A toothless termite walks into a bar and says "where's the bartender?"

On this day in 1836 Davie Crockett was standing on the southern observation wall with Sam Bowie drinking some coffee when they saw the entire mexican army advancing. Davie leans over to Sam and said " I didnt know we were pouring asphalt today.

There was a man who fought in a war, and had his eye shot out. When he came home, he got an eye made of wood. Anyways, a few years passed and he went out to a bar. He saw a girl in the corner and she had a hair lip. So he thought oh ya know, she's got something wrong with her, I've got something wrong with me, maybe she'll dance with me. So he walks over to her and asks "would you like to dance?" And she responds "would I?!" He looks at her and says " never mind then, you hair lip mother ****er!"