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Worst piece of ass ever!
- Thread starter InDaShop
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InDaShop
Dont Tread On Me
wannabe said:
hard to type left handed isnt it
bigsilly
Well-Known Member
I have had many bad experiences, but this is the one that always sticks out in my mind. It was back in college in 1992 and I was at a party at a guys house. Lots of beer and weed was being consumed. There were plenty of girls running around. I had made my mind up that I was going to find someone that wanted to come out of her clothes that night. I was making my rounds and identifying potential targets. By the end of the night I had about run out of options, and when things were not looking good I spot a blonde that was fair at best, she was not a hog and was actually slender. I started chatting her up and right away I knew she wanted to ride on the cawk. My best friend Chris actually pulled me to the side and asked if I was sure I wanted to do that, in my drunken/high state of mind I said "Hell yeah, I know what I am doing". So as things start winding down we made a move from the front yard to the couch inside and she proceeded to suck my face off. When things started getting quiet she cut the lights out and she started polishing the knob, and she knew how to do it quite well I might add. When she was finished I started removing her clothing for her and when I got her shirt off I felt something hard and plastic around her, she had a huge back brace on. I find out she has a severe case of scoliosis and has to wear a back brace all the time. Well I did not let this stop me, she snatched it off and proceeded to finish getting undressed. Well it was on from there and it really was not bad. But then comes the morning, I wake up and look over at her and was thinking what the hell have I done. I see her back brace laying on the floor and she does not look nearly as good in the morning after light. She wakes up and wants to cuddle, that is the last thing I want to do at this point. I get up and get dressed and look out just hoping I see someone's car that I can get a ride back to the dorm with. No such luck, damn!!! So I ask her to give me a ride back. As we head back I say nothing, about halfway back to school she puts her hand on my knee. At this point I wanted to jump out of the car at the next stop sign. When we get to school I see a bunch of my buddies hanging out in front of the dorm, I quickly tell her to pull in behind the dorm and bail out as quick as I can without anyone seeing me. I did not say bye or ****, never talked to her again after that.
Ok , heres mine... Back around 2001-02 I ran across a old high school girl friend of mine.She was a couple years older than me and pretty dang hot.We exchanged numbers and went out several times and even had a few cook outs at her place. Everything seemed cool and was going along just fine.. Me and some buddys planned to wake up early and go to gray rock all day saturday so friday after work I loaded up my stuff and decided to just shack up at her place. It was a normal night we went out to eat and had a few drinks at a local watering hole and went back to her house around midnbight . Now keep in mind my truck is in the parking lot of her appartments with my trailer and jeep loaded behind it..... SO we get home and get busy , its actually pretty good . So im thinking to myself afterwards Ive got a pretty good thing going right here, I ate good , got a little buzz , ive got a hot ass naked blonde in bed with me and to top it all off im about to go jeep riding with all my buddys. To say the least I fall a sleep with a smile on my face.... Around 4am i think i hear the front door open, i look over and shes still right next to me and hasnt moved. Then the **** hits the fan!!!! boyfriend/fiancee kicks open the door turns on the light and snatches the covers right off our naked asses. She starts screeming and all i can do is tell the 6 ft 4 offensive lineman to atleast let me put my pants on before he starts beating my ass... He goes for it ,but locks us in the bedroom .where i cant get out. He starts cushing and telling me how bad he is going to beat both of our asses. she is still naked on the bed screeming. We both tell her to shut up at the same time!!!! it was funny ,anyway I ASK HIM WHO HE IS and he tells me he lives there and that this is his future wife. then he starts pulling his **** out of the closet showing me that he does in fact live there,but they have been seperated for about 2 months and now he sees why.. So i tell him him I had no idea and that I was sorry and if he would give me about three steps toward the door he would NEVER se me no more!!! (thats the short verson) Again he went for it ..... i made my dash towards the door and made it outside to my truck. HOME FREE !!!! Whats even crazier about 2 hours later she call me from her home number and wants to meet me and make it up to me. I passed !!!!! they got married ... Im happily married . havent seen are heard anything in years . i guess thats my worse
RobbyBobby
Well-Known Member
InDaShop said:
Hey Wyett son, i thinks you are horribly underappreiciating my fellow Hardline brothers love of pootytang, if these sumbitches are like me and Jon-John then there just ain't no such thang as a skank chick or bad peice of *****- hairy nipples, eye wateringly bad poon smell, yogurt dripping snatch, bed soars on their fat ass- whatever just as long as its warm and wet its all good bro
hellz i bet if any of them flatbiller sumfawkinbitches tellin them stories up above are marryied then they spank it to them fond fawking bad memories all the gotdayum timeOn the other hand when i went to the federal pen up in ATL the first time i had some byFAWKINGgawd horribble experiences with my 300 lbs ninja cellmate before i got protected by the aryan brotherhood..........lets just say that when they served up some corn n the cafiteria i got to eat it twice
uke: Then there was the time John-Jon had this sweet little billy goat bent over and impaled his cawk with on a big ole rusty nail (that gotdayum goat loved eatin the barn wood....ahh we still fawkin laff about that all the dayum time
bearslayer2829
Well-Known Member
Re: Re: Worst piece of ass ever!
Here's my worst/funniest experience ever. So me and a buddy decide we are going to beat the guts out of this slut that a few other buddies had been banging over the last couple of weeks. Anyways we go pick her up at her apartment and bring her over to my house since it was known as the party house. We walk in the door, go down stairs, sit down and have a few drinks before we destroy this girls ego. Me and my buddy get pretty lit cause we know what is about to happen or so we thought. I go ahead and take her to the bedroom and start pounding it about 10 minutes go by and my buddy walks in. She starts giving him a hummer while I'm still tagging her from behind, then he starts banging her and she it's know slobing on my knob. Me and my buddy convince this black chick that were just destroying that his name is Brett honkie, yes it was my first ghetto bitch and my last. He it's still banging her from behind and I tell this bitch to say honkie please with my **** in her mouth so here she is trying to say honkie please with my cawd in her mouth, probably the funniest moment in my life was hearing her mumble jumble. All the sudden her phone rings and at this point in time I'm back to banging her and my buddy is slapping her in the forehead with his ****, it's her husband..........she is telling her husband that she loves him and can't wait to see him when grew gets home. Talk about one awkward moment. I think to myself well I've already banged it this long I might as well keep going. The night finally ends we fall asleep and in the morning I take her home, thankfully I never heard from her again and lucky her husband didn't come to my house to try to kick my ass.
Here's my worst/funniest experience ever. So me and a buddy decide we are going to beat the guts out of this slut that a few other buddies had been banging over the last couple of weeks. Anyways we go pick her up at her apartment and bring her over to my house since it was known as the party house. We walk in the door, go down stairs, sit down and have a few drinks before we destroy this girls ego. Me and my buddy get pretty lit cause we know what is about to happen or so we thought. I go ahead and take her to the bedroom and start pounding it about 10 minutes go by and my buddy walks in. She starts giving him a hummer while I'm still tagging her from behind, then he starts banging her and she it's know slobing on my knob. Me and my buddy convince this black chick that were just destroying that his name is Brett honkie, yes it was my first ghetto bitch and my last. He it's still banging her from behind and I tell this bitch to say honkie please with my **** in her mouth so here she is trying to say honkie please with my cawd in her mouth, probably the funniest moment in my life was hearing her mumble jumble. All the sudden her phone rings and at this point in time I'm back to banging her and my buddy is slapping her in the forehead with his ****, it's her husband..........she is telling her husband that she loves him and can't wait to see him when grew gets home. Talk about one awkward moment. I think to myself well I've already banged it this long I might as well keep going. The night finally ends we fall asleep and in the morning I take her home, thankfully I never heard from her again and lucky her husband didn't come to my house to try to kick my ass.
wont work
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I have tried to make myself think that some of mine are near as bad as some on here but Im not even close. I can say I have been a little picky over my years on the pink taco.
Some of you are just fawked up and I admire some of you for going thru with what you have done.
Some of you are just fawked up and I admire some of you for going thru with what you have done.
InDaShop
Dont Tread On Me
Yup!draggbody said:
Joel, love your backbrace story. there's a special place in heaven for an angle like you to take care of a scoliosis gal!
wingsnhammers
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Some of my friends call me Cripple X....
I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam.
They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed.
We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out.
I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed.
So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck.
By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9.
Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work.
After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep.
I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later".
The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again.
I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand.
Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go.
That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while. It wasn't even close to a bad piece of ass. It was just all kinds of awkward. That initial shock got me pretty good, but I had decided that it really wasn't that big of a deal. My junk didn't even really go soft. :****: If she would have told me before hand, I wouldn't have thought any more into it.
I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more.
I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam.
They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed.
We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out.
I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed.
So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck.
By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9.
Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work.
After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep.
I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later".
The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again.
I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand.
Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go.
That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while.
It wasn't even close to a bad piece of ass. It was just all kinds of awkward. That initial shock got me pretty good, but I had decided that it really wasn't that big of a deal. My junk didn't even really go soft. :****: If she would have told me before hand, I wouldn't have thought any more into it. I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more.
bad80cj
Well-Known Member
draggbody said:
oh snap
5BrothersFabrication
Zzzzz....
Alright, last one from me....for the rest of the day.
So- Ft. Sill, Oklahoma. AIT, off post weekend pass. We call Big John, a BIG :afro: cab driver/pimp/beer wholesaler ( see: http://www.hardlinecrawlers.com/forums/index.php?topic=22545.0 for THAT good story), we decide it's time to get laid and he is the feller that can locate us a hooker. So 5 of us pile into the Crown Vic and he takes us to the Compton/Watts side of Lawton, pull up to the house and out comes a lil Indian girl, prolly 30-ish. Big John says "take care of my boys here." She takes us in (us being 3 white boys, a spook, and a messican), tells us to have a seat and get comfortable. She goes to the tv, flips to VHS and hits play on the VCR. I was expecting a movie or some ****, it was the damn Snoop Dog porno video! She goes into the kitchen and comes out with 4 40's of Bud, she hands them to the others, then she takes me by the hand off into the bedroom. She asks what I want to do to her, and I'm kinda leary of American hookers, so I just tell her to blow me. She says it'll be $100, I tell her I'll go down the road and get the same thing for $10! She says 40, I say 10, settle on $20. (Anyone who knows me will tell you, I'll haggle for the 5¢ mini-Reeces cups next to the register at the gas station!) So this chick puts a rubber on me to blow me, and I can barely feel ANYTHING. Like 30 minutes goes by and this chick has asked me 45 times what can she do to make me get off, and ask my wife, that just ****s it all up. So she finally reaches over and flips on her VCR, and it's the Pam and Tommy porn. At this point she is fully clothed, so I tell her to strip, turn around and bend over. She says another $50, I say $10, settle on $20. I pull the rubber off, hornier than Jon-Jon at a petting zoo, and worm it in the back door after telling her I'll throw in another $10. Focused HARD on the blowjob that Pam was delivering to Tommy, frailed that sonuvabitch for all of 30 seconds before I blew a load IN her ass. SHE WAS PISSED. Hell, I get dressed and go to the kitchen to get my 40oz, she goes to the bathroom for a minute, comes out and grabs another white boy. Tim is out in less than 5 minutes. Again, bathroom, grabs the black one. (other whitey and the messican are married and don't want it) and I bet that black sumbitch was in there for an hour! We all sneak to the door and peek in, that nasty bastard is going all slow and literally making love to the hooker! Kissing her neck, they're listening to an Usher CD, I holler hurry up motherfucker! Man, that spook was so ashamed, he gave up and we all were on the couch waiting for Big John, he shows and she says to Big John not to bring us back there! Anyways, my first hooker, always gonna remember that one!
So- Ft. Sill, Oklahoma. AIT, off post weekend pass. We call Big John, a BIG :afro: cab driver/pimp/beer wholesaler ( see: http://www.hardlinecrawlers.com/forums/index.php?topic=22545.0 for THAT good story), we decide it's time to get laid and he is the feller that can locate us a hooker. So 5 of us pile into the Crown Vic and he takes us to the Compton/Watts side of Lawton, pull up to the house and out comes a lil Indian girl, prolly 30-ish. Big John says "take care of my boys here." She takes us in (us being 3 white boys, a spook, and a messican), tells us to have a seat and get comfortable. She goes to the tv, flips to VHS and hits play on the VCR. I was expecting a movie or some ****, it was the damn Snoop Dog porno video! She goes into the kitchen and comes out with 4 40's of Bud, she hands them to the others, then she takes me by the hand off into the bedroom. She asks what I want to do to her, and I'm kinda leary of American hookers, so I just tell her to blow me. She says it'll be $100, I tell her I'll go down the road and get the same thing for $10! She says 40, I say 10, settle on $20. (Anyone who knows me will tell you, I'll haggle for the 5¢ mini-Reeces cups next to the register at the gas station!) So this chick puts a rubber on me to blow me, and I can barely feel ANYTHING. Like 30 minutes goes by and this chick has asked me 45 times what can she do to make me get off, and ask my wife, that just ****s it all up. So she finally reaches over and flips on her VCR, and it's the Pam and Tommy porn. At this point she is fully clothed, so I tell her to strip, turn around and bend over. She says another $50, I say $10, settle on $20. I pull the rubber off, hornier than Jon-Jon at a petting zoo, and worm it in the back door after telling her I'll throw in another $10. Focused HARD on the blowjob that Pam was delivering to Tommy, frailed that sonuvabitch for all of 30 seconds before I blew a load IN her ass. SHE WAS PISSED. Hell, I get dressed and go to the kitchen to get my 40oz, she goes to the bathroom for a minute, comes out and grabs another white boy. Tim is out in less than 5 minutes. Again, bathroom, grabs the black one. (other whitey and the messican are married and don't want it) and I bet that black sumbitch was in there for an hour! We all sneak to the door and peek in, that nasty bastard is going all slow and literally making love to the hooker! Kissing her neck, they're listening to an Usher CD, I holler hurry up motherfucker! Man, that spook was so ashamed, he gave up and we all were on the couch waiting for Big John, he shows and she says to Big John not to bring us back there! Anyways, my first hooker, always gonna remember that one!
muddinmetal
Guntersville, AL
wingsnhammers said:Some of my friends call me Cripple X....
I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam.
They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed.
We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out.
I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed.
So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck.
By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9.
Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work.
After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep.
I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later".
The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again.
I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand.
Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go.
That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while.
I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more.
Ol' Cripple XXX
Scary movie 2-****ed up hand person
wingsnhammers
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muddinmetal said:
Pretty much just like that!
TOOTHLESSMOONSHINER
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Here is the one I have for you guy. It Has been a few years back, my self and friends where at a club. A buddy of mine was at the bar getting a drink, and this chick walks up and tells him she wants to ****. She was very hot she had a banging body, he tells her to get out of his ear. It wasn't two min later she walks up and tells him again she wants to ****. He told her i"ll make a deal with you.. if you will **** me and my friends here we will go **** right now. She looked around for a second and side what the hell let's go. So we pile out of this club four guys and one chick, we all get in a Honda passport. Three of the four of us where part of a boxing club that was not five min down the road, and one of the guys with us had a key to the gym. I'm driving because I'm the only one that has not had anything to drink at that point, but it was still very early in the night. On the way to the gym my two friends in the back were doing their thing. We pull up at the gym and walk in, she is already butt naked. she was the first to jump in the ring Sean jumps in right after her. She is sucking and ****ing about 45 min later it's all over with and everyone is putting their clothes back on. I look over at the chick and she had put her pants on in side out, and the sad part about it is she button them in side out. So we drive back to the club where we started our night out, and remind you this chick was never told any diffrent about her pants. We all walk back in the club she is right behind us. Right off the bat people start talking to her about her pants. About 30 sec after we walked in a good friend of hers walk up and was like "JOY WHAT THE **** HAVE YOU BEEN DOING", Joy said "what are you talking about", she said "your ****ing pants are on in side out". Joy said "**** who cares I just got dicked down by four guys, and it was ****ING GOOD"!!! Later that night I found out the reason she did what she did was because one of my friends payed for a sack of blow.
Got another.
Was stickin this chubby girl from a nearby town. Been doin it for 6 mths regular so it was always the same routine....she calls i show up we get busy in the foyer an either finish in the living room or her bedroom. About 3 pm friday i get the call to stop by tonite an i say wont you come here instead? Shes aprehensive an finally agrees. At the time my place in the country was the hotspot. Id look out sometimes an have 150-200 ppl in my field an yard! So as usual a big crowd is there an my roomate is up to his shenagins with all the women. So she shows up an im still drinking 101 turkey with water an loving it. We proceed upstairs which was locked at the stairs by a door. So we get busy an with my whiskey **** ive twisted her in a pretzel several times an now for the third time doggie. Shes beggin me to stop shes sore an i holla cum bleed or blister i aint spittin on it no more! She dies laughing an says u any lube? So i look an got some vaseline. She says **** my ass whiskey **** so i oblige well im riding her hard an i slipped out well about the time i almost put it back in i smell ****!!! I mean fresh too!! So its dark i was trippin flip on a light an sure enough there lays a big baby ruth lookin log in my bed!!! I scream out "you shat in my bed!!" Course shes apologizing an im freaking out by now! So i grab her clothes an her arm an shove her out the back door of our house. Well my roomie comes runnin askin whats wrong an i said whats that in my bed? He looks an says damn dude you got the closest to the bathroom bedroom, like i did it! Lol. So i get sum tp an grab the offending log flush it. So i change my sheets an pass out. The next morning a buddy of ours had ccalled my roomie in the nite an wanted our spare bedroom. So about noon the nxt day i smell breakfast cookin an walk downstairs an im shocked but theres ol shitty cookin a big ass breakfast! Im like wtf? Walk to the fridge an she says hello im terry, i say hello an walk to sit down. We all eat an our buddy was sayin how ****ed he was las nite drivin last night an ol turdy terry says yeah your lucky i was at that party to get you here. So im speechless an **** well the chicks leave an my roomie asked him how'd you end up with her ? I was passed out behind the wheel in a gas station up the road an she got in. But she was plastered to so we left an drank sum more in the country before gettin here. Then he tells how she ****ed him an he even eat her out from behind over his car hood in the driveway!! I couldnt tell him but my roomate did!! Still havent heard from her since. But the breakfast was good! Lol
Was stickin this chubby girl from a nearby town. Been doin it for 6 mths regular so it was always the same routine....she calls i show up we get busy in the foyer an either finish in the living room or her bedroom. About 3 pm friday i get the call to stop by tonite an i say wont you come here instead? Shes aprehensive an finally agrees. At the time my place in the country was the hotspot. Id look out sometimes an have 150-200 ppl in my field an yard! So as usual a big crowd is there an my roomate is up to his shenagins with all the women. So she shows up an im still drinking 101 turkey with water an loving it. We proceed upstairs which was locked at the stairs by a door. So we get busy an with my whiskey **** ive twisted her in a pretzel several times an now for the third time doggie. Shes beggin me to stop shes sore an i holla cum bleed or blister i aint spittin on it no more! She dies laughing an says u any lube? So i look an got some vaseline. She says **** my ass whiskey **** so i oblige well im riding her hard an i slipped out well about the time i almost put it back in i smell ****!!! I mean fresh too!! So its dark i was trippin flip on a light an sure enough there lays a big baby ruth lookin log in my bed!!! I scream out "you shat in my bed!!" Course shes apologizing an im freaking out by now! So i grab her clothes an her arm an shove her out the back door of our house. Well my roomie comes runnin askin whats wrong an i said whats that in my bed? He looks an says damn dude you got the closest to the bathroom bedroom, like i did it! Lol. So i get sum tp an grab the offending log flush it. So i change my sheets an pass out. The next morning a buddy of ours had ccalled my roomie in the nite an wanted our spare bedroom. So about noon the nxt day i smell breakfast cookin an walk downstairs an im shocked but theres ol shitty cookin a big ass breakfast! Im like wtf? Walk to the fridge an she says hello im terry, i say hello an walk to sit down. We all eat an our buddy was sayin how ****ed he was las nite drivin last night an ol turdy terry says yeah your lucky i was at that party to get you here. So im speechless an **** well the chicks leave an my roomie asked him how'd you end up with her ? I was passed out behind the wheel in a gas station up the road an she got in. But she was plastered to so we left an drank sum more in the country before gettin here. Then he tells how she ****ed him an he even eat her out from behind over his car hood in the driveway!! I couldnt tell him but my roomate did!! Still havent heard from her since. But the breakfast was good! Lol
muddinmetal
Guntersville, AL
wingsnhammers said:
One question...
Did bitch keep her "Crip" Hand Strong?
