The big D and don't mean Dallas...

[CHASMAN9]

For my .02 and what it is worth, here is how I see it. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you want to strangle her(not really) BUT, you do love her and want to help raise her son together. SO, I think that maybe some counseling would be appropriate and worth giving it a shot. Whether it be from a professional counselor or maybe a local deacon of a church. Someone that will be bi partisan and not know either of you previously. Leave it on a professional basis and maybe you can come to grips with her ways of dealing with issues and she can see what you expect out of the marriage. Either way if the inevitable occurs, at least you can say that you did give it more than the old college try before you throw in your good leg. Just think of how miserable you MIGHT be if it is all over and she's not there when you come home and the house is empty. Drain all resources before throwing in the towel buddy.




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[P]

You have to be able to communicate, and I agree with Greg, until you sought professional outside help. You have not done all you can to save your marriage.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

That's where the internal debate is, I'm not sure I want to save it. I lived alone and single, dating on and off for several years before we got together, I 100% am not worried about being single again.

I've seen sides of her now that continue to make it less and less worth saving. The way she is about things, completely stubborn, unwilling to listen and learn from anyone, and her irrationality are becoming deal killers for me, and I don't think any 3rd party mediation is going to change her, part of her unwillingness to listen. This **** is engrained in her system to work like that. I'm noticing a lot pf things coming together now that I didn't catch earlier in our relationship, but remember now. I don't understand why anyone would act like she does toward someone that bends over backwards to help her. But I'm seeing it runs in the family now.

As long as we are just hanging out as friends doing something fun or chilling, we are good. But when it comes to agreeing on something, I'm a fairly open mimded person, but she is just so far from normal on some things, it blows my mind. The statistical range between what she thinks and what I think is so ****ing far apart that arriving somewhere in the middle is soooo damn hard to do, because she is so far away from the middle...if that makes sense.

I tell her all the time I wish we had a group of 20 people following us around so when we have to decide on how to handle something that we could turn to the audience and ask which one of us they agree with more. I dont think I'm right all the time, I just make informed and educated decisions, whereas she makes seat of the pants decisions and sticks by it like she read it in the Bible.

I'd just back off and let ot blow up in her face, but some of the things are regarding her rental house. If she wants to be a negligent landlord (slumlord) or a smartass to the tenants, and ****s up and gets sued, they dont sue her, the sue US! So I cant afford to just let her have it her way on some things.

I also just spoke with my lawyer and he said if one party wants the house, the other does not, and there is little to no equity in the house, the one that wants it gets to keep it most of the time. So I'm not worried about getting ****ed out of a place to live anymore.

Just a lot to think about.

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[redneckengineered]

I called it way early on but I can tell from the tone of your posts you have made up your mind so this will be a 180 from the last few posts of encouraging wisdom.

Kick that bitch to the curb (with all due respect of course). I think you're in your 30s with lots of life left to live but you're also not getting any younger. Divorce takes a lot longer than you think, even when it's as simple as can be. If you had started the process when you posted this thread you'd be done by now. You're wasting precious time where you could be out riding with the boys, crushing brews, and pounding out coeds. And don't worry, usually the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time is the charm :****: And next time don't marry a woman with crotch fruit from another dude. That can't be ideal.

 

[P]

I called it way early on but I can tell from the tone of your posts you have made up your mind so this will be a 180 from the last few posts of encouraging wisdom.

Kick that bitch to the curb (with all due respect of course). I think you're in your 30s with lots of life left to live but you're also not getting any younger. Divorce takes a lot longer than you think, even when it's as simple as can be. If you had started the process when you posted this thread you'd be done by now. You're wasting precious time where you could be out riding with the boys, crushing brews, and pounding out coeds. And don't worry, usually the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time is the charm :****: And next time don't marry a woman with crotch fruit from another dude. That can't be ideal.

Truth unfiltered

 

[onetoncrawler]

I called it way early on but I can tell from the tone of your posts you have made up your mind so this will be a 180 from the last few posts of encouraging wisdom.

Kick that bitch to the curb (with all due respect of course). I think you're in your 30s with lots of life left to live but you're also not getting any younger. Divorce takes a lot longer than you think, even when it's as simple as can be. If you had started the process when you posted this thread you'd be done by now. You're wasting precious time where you could be out riding with the boys, crushing brews, and pounding out coeds. And don't worry, usually the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time is the charm :****: And next time don't marry a woman with crotch fruit from another dude. That can't be ideal.

 

[TacomaJD]

Thus far, we haven't talked just a WHOLE lot, but enough to where she putting forth effort in realizing things and claims to work on some things. I've just kinda been like if **** don't change, I'm out as fawk. Done. Period. And see if she wants to put forth effort or go through with divorce. The crotch fruit is 100% zero problems, and we have every other weekend kid free to go out and do whatever. He's a cool kid, minds pretty good, and isn't a brat. We get along well, play video games, shoot guns, throw ball, whatever. Doesn't bother me a bit to do the family thing on weekends we have him. And there is zero drama with the boy's dad. He is already remarried and lives about 40 minutes away. They share custody based on court papers (holidays, birthdays, summer, etc), by the book. It's as drama free as a relationship like this could be.

One of my biggest complaints to her was that she doesn't clean house like she should and with as many things as I handle outside of work, no matter what, I am not going to vacuum, mop, and dust. I do my own laundry, 90% of the dishes, and am an extremely clean/organized person. So I do not contribute to messes and she does not have to clean up after me. So, we had it out about the cleaning one night last week, I came home from work that night and floors were vacuumed, mopped, clutter was gone, stuff wiped down, toilets cleaned, etc. I told her the next day that it looked great and that I appreciated it. I then asked her how long it took her, and I got the smartass "why?".....finally she said 1.5 hours. I said ok, lets say you ONLY clean like that once every 3 months and lets go ahead and add 1 hour to it in case you do extra cleaning to something....so 2.5 hours per cleaning once every 3 months, that's 10 hours per year. I realize most people clean more, for now, I would just be happy with once every 3 months. Our house doesn't get filthy THAT quick...but needs cleaned nonetheless. So I said, ok, that 10 hours you would spend cleaning per year is literally less time than it takes me just to mow our 1 acre yard each summer. This helped put it into perspective for her, because I also mow the yard at her old house where her dad lived - 2-3 acres, and a half acre at an old restaurant building that was her dads. I used to have about 2 acress to mow around her 2 vacant chicken houses but she let some family friends put some cattle on her pasture and in payment they keep up the property including the mowing and fence mending when necessary. I was relieved to get out of mowing that ****, at least. I answer maintenance calls at her renter house and am repairing/replacing **** over there all the time, we've basically been remodeling it little at a time and letting the revenue pay for upgrades while profiting too. I don't have to work on my old renter house because it's not that old and has no problems with it. I handle everything outside the home, just as most men do. Inside the home is her responsibility, like it or not. She finally seems to understand just how what she does outside compares to all that I handle outside of work. And after the time comparison of the cleaning vs mowing, she said well you won't have anything to worry about anymore, I'm gonna start cleaning every other week. I laughed to myself, I don't see that one holding true, but it sounded like she understands she is gonna have to do her part in the cleaning department now. I can't do every fawking thing myself.

My thoughts are this. Marriage is a lot to throw away, so if she is willing to put forth the effort and understanding, I will give her a chance to prove it, otherwise we'll go our separate ways. I don't see much difference in divorcing now and in 6 months. I still do everything I want to do. I didn't quit wheeling for her, I quit wheeling because I want to grow a portfolio of single family rental units, and the money consuming hobby of wheeling just doesn't mesh well with my current mindset and goals. I felt like I got a $10/hr raise when I quit wheeling. Lol

 

[TacomaJD]

She is a good person, despite being a smartass. I think her main problem was her parents' divorce. Her dad was a busy man, owned 7 chicken houses and 7-8 rental properties. She is the youngest of 3 siblings and her parents split when she was young. Her mom sucks, hasn't had much to do with any of the kids since they divorced, so she never really had a mom to raise her up doing womanly things. She is sort of a tom boy, she'd rather be mowing or weedeating than cleaning, but we aren't swapping roles, so she is gonna have to get used to cleaning.

Boy she sure knows how to press my fawking buttons though. If I was a giant piece of ****, she'd probably already got backhanded a few times Lol.

 

[TacomaJD]

Poll the audience, does it sound like she is being a ****ing **** here? Sure does to me. Tax day is tomorrow, in which I am handling all our tax filings with my accountant. We have a tax box with folders to track rent/expenses, and to file our other tax deductible stuff for tax time. Since tomorrow is tax time, I wanted to double check that she had all her documents in the box ready for me to take tomorrow. I noticed a tax form on the island recently but didn't know what it was from, I assumed it was from her disability company where she got paid while she was out of work after our car wreck last year. Anyways. I was just checking in, because I like to double check and be prepared for everything...and these are the replies I get. You can see casual conversation earlier, where we were discussing where we should have Valentines dinner at this weekend, so there was no bs to preface this exchange at all.

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[benfowler87]

Poll the audience, does it sound like she is being a ****ing **** here? Sure does to me. Tax day is tomorrow, in which I am handling all our tax filings with my accountant. We have a tax box with folders to track rent/expenses, and to file our other tax deductible stuff for tax time. Since tomorrow is tax time, I wanted to double check that she had all her documents in the box ready for me to take tomorrow. I noticed a tax form on the island recently but didn't know what it was from, I assumed it was from her disability company where she got paid while she was out of work after our car wreck last year. Anyways. I was just checking in, because I like to double check and be prepared for everything...and these are the replies I get. You can see casual conversation earlier, where we were discussing where we should have Valentines dinner at this weekend, so there was no bs to preface this exchange at all.

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I may step on some toes here but it looks like you are antagonizing her to me. When she said she had what she needed why didn't you leave it at that? No need to try and start a fight with a smart comment.

 

[Juan_Hong_Loe]

I may step on some toes here but it looks like you are antagonizing her to me. When she said she had what she needed why didn't you leave it at that? No need to try and start a fight with a smart comment.

I'll second that...

 

[TacomaJD]

I can see where you'd see that. But here's the deal, I've talked to her enough to know her tone in how she replies to stuff, I knew right off the bat she was being a prick, and then she confirmed it thereafter when she said "Idk why you ask me all these questions......I have common sense" I knew right off the bat she was being a smartass and for no reason, so I was like wtf kinda answer is that??? I mean I was literally just double checking that everything of hers was in the box, and she could have easily replied like any normal person and been nice. Why would she automatically think that because I asked her about 2 specific tax documents that I didn't think she had any common sense and shouldn't be asking her all these questions. I mean that's just ****ing retarded.

What's funny is after we finally discussed it, she paid for the insurance on her rental house in 2018 and I was thinking it was 2017 when she got the policy....so I would have been at the accountant's office tomorrow scrounging for an insurance receipt and wouldn't have been able to find it because it would have been in the 2018 folder at home for this year, not last year. And as for me double checking her, I was getting everything together a couple months ago and noticed one of two expensive eletrician receipts were missing from the tax box. Where was it? Laying under a bunch of jewelry and pocket junk on her sink. THAT's why I have to double check her ass. She can't act like she is the king of organization and that I should have no reason to double check she got everything in the box.

But this argument escalated into a whole clusterfuck of **** and she continued to say she had some questions she'd like to ask the tax guy herself, so she would just carry her own documents to file to the tax guy at a separate time so she could ask him these questions. I asked her about 5 times what the questions were, offering to ask for her, and she would not tell me. I mean what the holy **** kinda horseshit is that?!?!?! We are ****ing married, and she can't tell me what questions she has for the tax man??? I doubt she has a question I couldn't answer for her without even talking to him. So I just told her I'll be filing single on my taxes and she could do what the **** she wanted to do with hers....then we can just work on being single too, because I am absolutely exhausted and tired of this circus ****-show.

 

[Juan_Hong_Loe]

I can see where you'd see that. But here's the deal, I've talked to her enough to know her tone in how she replies to stuff, I knew right off the bat she was being a prick, and then she confirmed it thereafter when she said "Idk why you ask me all these questions......I have common sense" I knew right off the bat she was being a smartass and for no reason, so I was like wtf kinda answer is that??? I mean I was literally just double checking that everything of hers was in the box, and she could have easily replied like any normal person and been nice. Why would she automatically think that because I asked her about 2 specific tax documents that I didn't think she had any common sense and shouldn't be asking her all these questions. I mean that's just ****ing retarded.

What's funny is after we finally discussed it, she paid for the insurance on her rental house in 2018 and I was thinking it was 2017 when she got the policy....so I would have been at the accountant's office tomorrow scrounging for an insurance receipt and wouldn't have been able to find it because it would have been in the 2018 folder at home for this year, not last year. And as for me double checking her, I was getting everything together a couple months ago and noticed one of two expensive eletrician receipts were missing from the tax box. Where was it? Laying under a bunch of jewelry and pocket junk on her sink. THAT's why I have to double check her ass. She can't act like she is the king of organization and that I should have no reason to double check she got everything in the box.

But this argument escalated into a whole clusterfuck of **** and she continued to say she had some questions she'd like to ask the tax guy herself, so she would just carry her own documents to file to the tax guy at a separate time so she could ask him these questions. I asked her about 5 times what the questions were, offering to ask for her, and she would not tell me. I mean what the holy **** kinda horseshit is that?!?!?! We are ****ing married, and she can't tell me what questions she has for the tax man??? I doubt she has a question I couldn't answer for her without even talking to him. So I just told her I'll be filing single on my taxes and she could do what the **** she wanted to do with hers....then we can just work on being single too, because I am absolutely exhausted and tired of this circus ****-show.

So you wanted to poke the bear? If you knew she was being a prick then why keep going? I'm pretty sure you knew it was going to escalate into something else. Here's where you have to learn the Jedi tricks and know when to hold your tongue let her cool off and then ask later or in a different way...

 

[CHASMAN9]

So you wanted to poke the bear? If you knew she was being a prick then why keep going? I'm pretty sure you knew it was going to escalate into something else. Here's where you have to learn the Jedi tricks and know when to hold your tongue let her cool off and then ask later or in a different way...

THIS is spot on Daniel, to me Josh, you are looking for something to be wrong and when you find it, you capitalize on it. Sometimes you just got to go with it and let it be, instead of analyzing the hell out of it. This is the adjustment period where she has to take care of herself and her kid and if she needs your input, she will ask you for it. Unless you signed the papers legally adopting him as your son, you are not entitled to his legal guardianship and this isn't the first time she has filed taxes by herself.
Take a step back and look what is really important because this is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Is she (it) really worth it? I'm not saying by any means that she is right, but I am also not saying you are wrong, just trying to help you find a happy medium.




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[redneckengineered]

After the reply "I got what I need" I would have responded with "no you don't" with fully erect cock shot attached. She wants to play checkers, you play chess.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re: Re: The big D and don't mean Dallas...

After the reply "I got what I need" I would have responded with "no you don't" with fully erect cock shot attached. She wants to play checkers, you play chess.

I like the way you think. Lol

I just don't feel like I should have to bite my tongue and babysit her attitude problems. Acrually, I'm not sure I am capable of doing so. Soon as she popped off the "I got what I need" comment, my face got hot and steam may have been coming out my ears.

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[bbone]

You don't HAVE to bite your tongue. Say what you want to her. Thats what she is doing to you. But in grown up life we have to bite our tongue and deal with it sometimes. Any man can blow up and yell..it takes a REAL man to deal with life in a mature manner.

 

[TacomaJD]

I did apologize today somewhat for overreacting a little yesterday, while simultaneously pointing out the **** could have went a lot differently had she not've felt the need for a snide reply to a simple question. Didn't make much difference, seemed to add fuel to her fire by me apologizing like yeah it was all my fault. So that snowballed once again and one of the last messages I got from her today said that unless something changed her mind, she was going to speak to a lawyer about divorce next week....but I may beat her to it. :****:

Tired of this ****. She just doesn't handle things in a healthy way. She may be a good person and perfect for somebody, but I don't think she is perfect for me. I'd rather be single and not have to be miserable as **** every other week.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

Beach vacation disaster 2018....done with this clusterfuck of a marriage. My wife is an absolute cunty bitch. Barely made it through first 2 days, last night and today have been hell. Thank god we are leaving in the morning. She's getting more cocky, not caring a bit in the world to get in my face and do some ghetto hand gestures. I've flashed about 2-3 times and been all I could do not to cuss her at the top of my lungs or worse, smack the **** out of her. I have never and will never lay a hand on a woman, but she has gotten closer to it than anyone else. I just try to grin while steaming and walk away and she keeps on rambling off smartass remarks as I walk off. This is gonna be such a mess, but I am absolutely 100% ****ing done with this bullshit. It ain't healthy for either of us, much less her son, and is progressively getting worse. We have good days every now and then, and we have days I'd like to be able to push a button and just never see her again. The bad days are starting to outweigh what little good is left. Time to exit.

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[bbone]

Just remember if you do this, everything from here on out boils down to spite.