The big D and don't mean Dallas...

[TacomaJD]

Re:

No spite to it, just 2 incompatible people that never should have gotten married. Feelings are mutual on the fact that this marriage is going nowhere.

Text from her last night...

"I say we be adults and enjoy the day tomorrow and when we get home you do your thing. We can be civil and go see a lawyer and get things over with next week. We don't have to be ugly to each other. "

Which came right after a tirade of her smart mouth, finger shaking, **** talking while her son was in the shower in our hotel room....

My reply...

"One extreme to the other. You go from wanting to call someone to come get you one minute, to saying that I'm forced to spend the day down here tomorrow bc thats what we promised weston, then tell me not even to talk to him, now you want to be adults. You are all over the place. Absolutely zero consistency. But yeah that sounds like a plan to me..."

She says she wants to be civil about it instead of trying to sell our house and all that like last time that this almost happened. I'm actually finding a little bit of peace in this. It's been a while since I've been happy. She's so damn irritable all the time, Idk what her problem is. Like can't even have normal conversation without it turning into something that pisses her off. My parents and the few friends of mine we hang around anymore have noticed it as well.

She's also on her phone ALL THE ****ING TIME. Like god forbid she sit idle for longer than 2 minutes without getting on her phone. Try to talk to her about it, even suggest things like device free dinner and such, she doesn't even want to hear it. Just makes her mad.

The only positive that came from this was that I was with her when her father passed away and helped her through all the terrible things that came along with that. Her mom has been a worthless **** and played very little part in her life since a young age, so her dad was all she had, pretty much. The only silver lining is that I hope I was able to make a shitty time just a little bit better for her and her boy.

Other than that, seems like I have more bad memories than good ones over the past 4 yrs. That's what it boils down to.

 

[redneckengineered]

Re:

No spite to it, just 2 incompatible people that never should have gotten married. Feelings are mutual on the fact that this marriage is going nowhere.

Text from her last night...

"I say we be adults and enjoy the day tomorrow and when we get home you do your thing. We can be civil and go see a lawyer and get things over with next week. We don't have to be ugly to each other. "

Which came right after a tirade of her smart mouth, finger shaking, **** talking while her son was in the shower in our hotel room....

My reply...

"One extreme to the other. You go from wanting to call someone to come get you one minute, to saying that I'm forced to spend the day down here tomorrow bc thats what we promised weston, then tell me not even to talk to him, now you want to be adults. You are all over the place. Absolutely zero consistency. But yeah that sounds like a plan to me..."

This is you being a petty bitch just like her and pushing buttons. I thought the first comment was you at first and second was her. Better response would be "sounds good, ok." If she's as unstable as you think she is, she'll turn on you in a heartbeat and make this divorce a nightmare. Stick to short answers and check your emotions at the door and hope you come out on the other side with your asshole intact.

She says she wants to be civil about it instead of trying to sell our house and all that like last time that this almost happened. I'm actually finding a little bit of peace in this. It's been a while since I've been happy. She's so damn irritable all the time, Idk what her problem is. Like can't even have normal conversation without it turning into something that pisses her off. My parents and the few friends of mine we hang around anymore have noticed it as well.

She's also on her phone ALL THE ****ING TIME. Like god forbid she sit idle for longer than 2 minutes without getting on her phone. Try to talk to her about it, even suggest things like device free dinner and such, she doesn't even want to hear it. Just makes her mad.

The only positive that came from this was that I was with her when her father passed away and helped her through all the terrible things that came along with that. Her mom has been a worthless **** and played very little part in her life since a young age, so her dad was all she had, pretty much. The only silver lining is that I hope I was able to make a shitty time just a little bit better for her and her boy.

Other than that, seems like I have more bad memories than good ones over the past 4 yrs. That's what it boils down to.

Just out of curiosity, what did y'all argue about on vacation?

My other comment is above in red. Be better.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re: Re:

Just out of curiosity, what did y'all argue about on vacation?

My other comment is above in red. Be better.

Little ****, she can be on her phone, me ask her about something like when and where are we gonna eat this evening, her not respond after asking a 2nd time, then finally saying "Whaaat?" Like I interrupted her ****ing scrolling through facebook. Like it's gotten sickening to look over at her and her be on her phone all the god damn time. Put the ****ing phone down and spend time with your family while at the beach.

We were inline at one of the hotel restaurants just inside from the pool and I thought I heard her order a single 2 scoop waffle cone bc we had just talked about weston getting an ice cream with his food, and the cashier called back 2 - 2 scoop cones, so I said "one, that was just one 2 scoop waffle cone", because Casie has this thing where she don't speak up in public where as I dont care to call someone out to make sure my order is correct....but bygawd she dont care a bit in the world to call ME out in public. She turned around and with the most smart ass tone said no, I ordered 2! With a mean look. I'm talking 10-15 ppl in line behind us and several behind the cash register all heard it and looked at me. I felt like a ****ing idiot and was only looking out for her making sure the order was correct bc she was paying for that round of food and that hotel ice cream was overpriced. But somehow that just offended the **** out of her. I flashed. Like I used to not do that, but lately its been an immediate blood pressure spike roid rage type **** that is getting harder to keep inside. She turned back around and I pinched the **** out of her and walked off. Dear lord I was so ****ing mad. Her response was ****ing retarded to begin with, not to mention the humiliation in front of a bunch of people.


Little **** like that escalates into a war.

Preface to a future situation: I never drink in front of her son, rarely ever drink during the week. Although I like to be a weekend warrior when the time is right, I feel like I am pretty responsible with my love for good beer and never make it a priority over anything important.

With that said. One of the days, we got out to the pool around 10am. Swam, swam, swam. She got tired of swimming and wanted to lay out, which is fine. So me and Weston threw football for about an hour in the pool and played around. Well about 2:30pm gets here, I'm tired of swimming and weston has found some other kids to play with, so I get out and go sit beside her laying out. Had some small talk, everything good so far, I hate sitting out in the sun doing nothing, I really just hate sitting still doing nothing period. I asked how long she planned on laying out, she said until 5 at least, which from this time is 2 more hours and I was done with the pool area at that point. There was a poolside bar serving draft beer and kinda hidden from view of anyone in the pool so I told her I am gonna go grab a beer at the bar while they hang out. I dont care a bit in the world what she does, I can manage to entertain myself rather than saying lets get up and do something else, this sucks. So she said ok and didn't seem ill or anything. I actually ended up going to the room, showering, and changing into normal dry clothes, went back down, had 2 beers at the bar, it was 4pm (not 5pm like she said before) when she text me and said she was making Wes get out of pool and ready to go to the room to shower and change. I simply replied I'll be over as soon as I finish this beer in a couple minutes. Everything was fine the rest of the evening, nothing said about drinking, etc. An absolutely 100% harmless 2 beers to pass the time while she enjoyed laying out and Wes enjoyed swimming. All 3 of us enjoyed ourselves to the fullest thus far, right?.....

But the last night there, when we got into the big fight about her popping off to me for no reason, she brought up me going to get those 2 beers, like I cant even go on family vacation without having to have a beer. Kept on talking ****, even saying that "hell before you know it, you'll be wanting to bring a cooler full of beer with us on vacation...."

that **** absolutely set me on fire because of how adamant I am about not drinking in front of weston. Stupid bitch. At this point. She was saying all kinds of things, her kid deserves better, blah blah. She said you know what, I say we just pack up and head home right now (10pm - 6 hrs from home), told her she can go get ****ed, I aint leaving at 10pm. She's like I'll call somebody to get us, at that point I have no ****ing clue what to say or do, and honestly have no idea what it is that she even hates so much in being there that calling someone to come get them would even cross her mind. I'm ****ing dumbfounded at how that turned. Weston was in the shower when this was going on. Heard him turn the shower water off and she just kept getting louder and I didn't want him to hear us arguing, so I looked her dead in the eyes and quietly told her to shut her ****ing mouth, he can hear us. She just kept on. Yer not gonna tell me to shut up, my kid deserves better, blah blah blah. I just finally quit talking completely and ignored her despite her continuing to rattle off **** about me, how she messed up marrying me, this is the last vacation we'll ever take again together, etc.

So after he got out of the shower, she started texting me about being adults and how we can split everything and be civil. How everything can be divided up, pretty much her take her ****, me take my ****, house can be mine, and be done with it. Then went to sleep....

She tried to be nice yesterday as we were leaving the beach, being an adult I guess. I was an adult as well. We spoke very little directly to each other though, 6 hr drive was spent mostly not talkig at all and them 2 sleeping. She tried to apologize at one point and I did not accept, because everything she said the night before, I have heard before, just not all compiled together in the same arguement. What's she sorry for? If a motherfucker says the same **** about you more than a couple times, that's really how they feel. I rarely say **** I don't mean, even when I'm pissed. It may sound mean, but I mean it when I say it.

Today she is gone on a kayaking trip with her son. She texts me this big long apology about not meaning all those things she said, etc, saying please don't give up, etc. But **** me, whether the problem is her, or me like you fawkers apparently think, the **** aint working and I'm ****ing sick of it. To the point where I'd just rather be at work or anything other than spending time with her bc it (most) always turns sour over some petty ****. Her boy is a different story. Me and him get along, he is a good kid, smart, and fun.

Idk what Im gonna ****ing do. No matter if she really thinks she ****ed up marrying me like she has said a few times in the heat of an arguement, I 100% believe I ****ed up marrying her. I just wish it all never happened. Tired of this senseless ****. I mean of all places to argue and things go to hell, the beach? We shouldn't have a worry in the world there...its happened pretty much each of the 3 times we have been to the beach, just nowhere near this bad. Its like the day of the trip. She just becomes irritable and remains that way. Never settling to the happy, life is good, let's enjoy it state of mind that should come with going to the beach. Makes me ****ing miserable.

I'll probably quit updating this thread and just handle it privately, as it's difficult to convey all the key details to give someone on the other side of the screen and accurate depiction of what went down. As I said before, my parents and sister have noticed her negative attitude at get togethers, my friends have noticed it on couples' nights out. I'm not innocent through it all, but I don't resort to being an asshole until I've been disrespected.

A wise man I work with told me the reason why couples fight spurs from 2 things. Love and respect. Men want respect and women want to be loved. When a man feels he has been disrespected or a woman feels she's unloved, conflict ensues. A man disrespected will make his woman feel unloved. A woman unloved will disrespect her man. This makes too much sense.

The way I see it, she disrespects me often when I've given her no reason to feel unloved. I work my ass off for her and try to create a good life for her in everything that we do together, yet she still insists on disrespecting me on the regular.

Anyways, thanks for the advice thus far, Easyline.

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[redneckengineered]

Please keep updating the thread, this **** is entertaining as hell. I'm kidding but kind of not

She sounds like a crazy **** bitch and I think she's probably brought out the worst in you too frankly. Who the **** doesn't drink in front of their kids? Who cares! That's crazy talk. I have responsible friends with kids that come by my dock every weekend. Kids swim, parents crush brews. Everyone wins. Get the papers drawn up on Monday unless you like watching the same movie on repeat for the rest of your life. You've wasted enough time with her and if you're not careful you may end up like her...nuttier than squirrel ****!

 

[onetoncrawler]

man I hate to hear that Josh. No offense to you, but this proves how deceiving social media can be. I've seen your FB post and paired that with a lack of updates here and thought everything was much better.

Makes you wonder, how many "happy" people on FB are struggling with similar issues. people only show what they want you to see. Same as the media, a few pics and a short story can give you a certain perception when you really don't have a clue what is going on.

Good luck in the divorce, maybe you will come out ok. I've had friends go through for as cheap as $600 and some are still paying 15 years later

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

She put all those beach pics on there like it was the most important thing in the world. Like asked if I cared of she tagged me in them....I was like really? That's what you're fawkin worried about right now? Dumbass. She's tried to act like its all nothing expecting me to forgive her for the ruined trip. But I still haven't said much to her. Been staying gone by myself the last few days.

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[smbroady82]

man I hate to hear that Josh. No offense to you, but this proves how deceiving social media can be. I've seen your FB post and paired that with a lack of updates here and thought everything was much better.

Makes you wonder, how many "happy" people on FB are struggling with similar issues. people only show what they want you to see. Same as the media, a few pics and a short story can give you a certain perception when you really don't have a clue what is going on.

This is what I was thinking but didn't wanna sound like a **** by bringing it up. the whole thing sucks man, I don't wish it on anyone. My wife and I have only been married for a little over a month but we have been living together for a year and have been dating for around 9 years. Marriage is an adjustment for sure, I think it takes a lot of work from both sides for sure. I hope everything works out.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

Yeah we might post a pic on a good night out while we are actually having fun for a change, or like all the beach pics she posted, probably looks like we had the perfect little family vacay, but it was a damn nightmare.

Idk what I'm gonna do. She's made sure and apologized numerous times and truly does feel bad for things that were said at the beach, but we've been through this before. Get bad, make up, say she/we are gonna work on things, good for a little while, then back to the same ole ****. Repeating vicious cycle. At what point does one give up. In the hotel that night, I was done with it, bc it also sounded like she was done with it. Now she's trying hard as she can to fix it. So I ask what do I want? I want **** to work out and us be happy together like we used to be. But is that even possible? Like Andrew said, this could very well be like watching the same movie over and over the rest of my life. Its easy to fall for a sincere apology and try again. But at what point do you say enough is enough? Idk man, tough **** for sure.

I've got friends that continue to maintain a shitbag toxic relationship with their bitch-ass wife or girlfriend and despite 5-10 yrs together, arguing, knock down drag out arguments, multiple infidelities, or other miscellaneous drama, they stay together. Why? Because it's easier than parting ways and beginning a new adventure. I've seen it a bunch first hand as an outsider, so I try and look at our relationship as an outsider and ponder if its worth sticking it out or what....

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[CHASMAN9]

OK, I'm gonna try a completely different route to see what is behind this Loving/ I hate your ****ing guts/ makeup sex/ slit your throat/ I'm sorry/ eat **** and die situation. Medications? Seriously... It screams Bi Polar Disorder from either one of you or both of you. Any chance either of you are on meds and skipping taking them? I've dated a lot of Batshit crazy **** me till I yell Farfegnugen and tap out, but like Stewart said, Social media makes ya'll look lovey dovey. Just trying to make sense of something unsensible.




ADMINISTRATOR(not therapist)

 

[bbone]

Or talk to a psychologist It works. We've tried it. I've tried it Minimal expense too.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

I've never been on any sort of medication. I have a short fuse sometimes but generally I like to think I'm fairly level headed throughout. I dont think she takes any medication now, but after her divorce several (7) years ago with her son's dad (he was running around on her), I know she got on some antidepressants for a short stint but has told me she'll never do that again bc they made her crazy....of course I'm sitting there thinking well I think yer crazy now sometimes....haha...

I think she does take some diet pills and does all the protein shake whatever bullshit and works out, but idk if that has anything to do with it. I know a close buddy and his gf had some problems when she would get on diet pills. But I've brought it up before and try to see if that's what caused her retardedness to flare and she then said she hasn't even taken any in several months. So I dont think that is to blame.

Came home last night to a cleaned house, card, and a tater tot casserole in the fridge. She's trying awfully hard....

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[redneckengineered]

That looks like some genuine effort on her part. It won't kill you to give it a week and see how serious she is about working on things. Hard to walk out with that hanging over you not knowing if things could change. But like I said at some point you have to know when you're just doing the same cycle over and over and pull the plug. I've seen it before and some girls feed off the drama. They don't even realize they sabotage their lives so they can have the makeup portion which can be really good. So to them it's worth going through the bad to get to the high of the makeup. Some couples feed off that ****. Not me. Give me even keel.

I have a theory. The couples that appear the happiest online are the unhappiest in real life. Book it.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

If she was as normal all the time as she is when **** goes south we wouldn't have much of a problem. But yes, definitely a valiant effort on her part. We'll see where it goes. I'm still aggravated by it all, will probably ease back into things and give it another shot. I wont be on edge or making her walk on eggshells, but I assure you I will not continue this horse **** if it keeps up.

I wouldn't think she feeds on drama, she's pretty anti drama really. I've been in drama filled relationships, this one I think is more of a battle of egos. She's been independent raising her son before and works hard and has difficulty not being the boss. I am a natural leader in situations as well, but I have enough sense to recognize when someone else knows more than I do about whatever it is. If we had a kid, I'd be seeking her advice on how to raise a newborn. If we're building a shop, repairing something on a rental, remodeling, choosing a vehicle to buy, etc, she needs to shut her face and listen to me. That boils down to the little convos with small talk disagreements too, same principle applies.

Her family is all holiness, down to all aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. She broke from it several yrs ago and don't talk to her family much besides her sister and brother. Those holy rollers are some different people. ****'s borderline a cult. Her sister (older) does not work, husband works his ass off, they have 3 kids, and her sister straight up wears the pants in that family. Casie is not as bad as her sister, but still has those tendencies and its hard for me to deal with. She thinks everything should go her way, but that aint how it works all the time...

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[smbroady82]

Re:

Her sister (older) does not work, husband works his ass off, they have 3 kids, and her sister straight up wears the pants in that family.

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one of my biggest pet peeves ever is seeing this, but that's a discussion for another time

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

one of my biggest pet peeves ever is seeing this, but that's a discussion for another time

Yeah I absolutely can't stand that ****. Would be different if he made a killing but they just live an average life of his single small town salary of probably around $40-$45k. I make more than that and no way in hell I'd let Casie quit working. She does need a better job, bc she works a lot of hours and it's rough on her shuffling Weston around to ball practice and games during the week. I work 2nd shift and rarely go to bed before 1am, then have to turn right back around and get up at 6:30-7am to carry Weston to school because she is already at work. I hate waking up on 5ish hrs of sleep every single day during the school year. Hard for her to find a decent job that pays decent with hours that work for her schedule though. She usually works 6:30am-3pm so she gets off in time to get him from school and make it to practice on time. Other places that have to work til 5 or 6pm wouldn't allow her to make it to practice or ball games during the week. Her job now (Honda parts manufacturing plant) requires her to go in at 3am and work til 3pm at least a couple days a week and she also works on some saturdays although she's off way more Saturdays than she has to work. Her hourly wage is half what I make, but she only brings home $1-200 less per week than I do sometimes with all the overtime pay. But it's too much on her. I wish she could get a job in the lunchroom at school or something like that so she could carry Wes to school and I wouldn't have to get up on little sleep every day, and then she could get him after school as well. It would be a significan't pay cut, but the hours would be better on her and benefit me too. I might consider letting her quit work one day if I really landed a killer job, but generally I'm against that idea.

 

[CHASMAN9]

Re:

I've never been on any sort of medication. I have a short fuse sometimes but generally I like to think I'm fairly level headed throughout. I dont think she takes any medication now, but after her divorce several (7) years ago with her son's dad (he was running around on her), I know she got on some antidepressants for a short stint but has told me she'll never do that again bc they made her crazy....of course I'm sitting there thinking well I think yer crazy now sometimes....haha...

I think she does take some diet pills and does all the protein shake whatever bullshit and works out, but idk if that has anything to do with it. I know a close buddy and his gf had some problems when she would get on diet pills. But I've brought it up before and try to see if that's what caused her retardedness to flare and she then said she hasn't even taken any in several months. So I dont think that is to blame.

Came home last night to a cleaned house, card, and a tater tot casserole in the fridge. She's trying awfully hard....

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If she really is sorry, stick it in her butt and sing "867-5309" song and see how she reacts. SORRY, nothing of any value or guidance on this post at all, just my Social Turrets kicking in.




ADMINISTRATOR

 

[TacomaJD]

Re: Re:

If she really is sorry, stick it in her butt and sing "867-5309" song and see how she reacts. SORRY, nothing of any value or guidance on this post at all, just my Social Turrets kicking in.




ADMINISTRATOR

Lmaoooo! What a song choice for some buttsechs.

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[redneckengineered]

She's probably freaked out at this point because she knows you're serious about walking away and she'll be a single mom again. If I was her I would be bending over backwards to keep you happy.

 

[TacomaJD]

Re:

Kinda what Im thinking. Its not that I expect gratitude for every little thing I do for her but if she done as much for me as I do for her, I would be waiting on her hand and foot. She is a hard worker but was the baby of her 2 other siblings and probably got spoiled more than they did growing up. Kinda shows through now.

And yes I think she discounts the fact of how tough her life would be if we split until reality hits. She has a shitload more responsibilities now since her father passed that I handle for the most part. It would be rough on her if we did split.

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[P]

Re:

one of my biggest pet peeves ever is seeing this, but that's a discussion for another time

Same